only as old as I feel

Having just turned 35, I often find myself pondering the question of age. I don't fair as well as I'd like to on the RealAge test (www.realage.com), so I'm adding flossing to my regimen to shave off a few years. I'm sure I'd do even worse if the test included IT skills.

In fact, I'd love to know my IT age. I'm not horrible with computers. I learned quite a bit in my past life working in pre press. But still I feel my knowledge base has more holes than the ozone.

If I had IT skills, I would develop such a test and post it on the web site I fantasize about running. My site, by the way, already has a name (I have optimistically owned the url for nearly 2 years now) - it's donttellmargaret.com. It will someday be a great tool for keeping my 40 some cousins connected, sharing all the juicy gossip we can't tell our mutual grandmother, Margaret. I only hope I get it together while it is still relevant. Margaret is now 91 and is in a facility for rehabilitation after a fall. Sadly, it's the same facility where my maternal grandparents lived until their passing last year. Margaret, reportedly, refuses to make friends there because she has no intention of moving in. Go, Margaret.

Anyway, I found a bunch of websites that gauge computer skills and vocablulary. (No surprise there. I think the only truly unique idea I've come up with in ages is the Vomitron 3000, a tool for bar owners and bulimics.) I took the assessment at www.experating.com and I scored in the 36 percentile. They gave me a GPA of 2.4 which is a C, yet only I only got 60% of the questions correct. Sadly, they consider 50% a passing score (probly since they want to sell your certificate of achievement).

I should not be congratulated for this. They not only congratulated me, they counted me amongst "the elite league of individuals who have demonstrated a high level of proficiency in their chosen area." Stroke my ego all you want, I am not about to pay $6.95 to share this information.

Here's my performance breakdown by subject:

1.	Computer Hardware .........	67%
2.	Computer Settings .........	100%
3.	Computer Software .........	50%
4.	Computer Terminology .........	50%
5.	Emailing .........	71%
6.	Internet .........	50%
7.	Keyboard usage .........	100%
8.	Networking .........	100%
9.	Windows .........	33%

Given my web score, I am surprised I knew enough to be disturbed when Senator Ted Stevens described the internet as "a series of tubes."

Anyway, my imaginary IT test would be far more interactive. There would be timed events and an obstacle course. And there'd be an entire section on Googling, which is a skill all its own. Instead of a GPA or a percentile, I would offer an age. A perfect score would put you at 13. I think at this point I may be something like 45.

Perhaps blogging will be like flossing for me. Each entry will scrape away at the layer of plaque on my brain. Eventually I will learn to make links instead of references. Someday I may even post pictures - though that is more about my body dismorphia than my lack of ability. No promises.