37 things I love about my husband

I remember the first day I met Erik. It was August, first semester of my junior year at college. I was coming home from school on my little red ten speed - tearing downhill through my ghetto neighborhood, not really in control, trusting my life to my luck and an ill-fitting styrofoam helmet. As I passed through the final blind intersection in my path, I heard a voice call my name. It was Sean, my neighbor and my best friend's boyfriend, sitting on their porch with someone I instinctively knew was his brother. It's not that they looked a lot alike. Unlike my family where there are clearly just two molds, Erik's siblings are each a distinct blend of their parents' features. It was more that they were sitting like family - closer than acquaintances might, but with a sort of awkwardness between them that indicated they weren't exactly friends.

I stopped across the street, but refused to get off my bike. It was a struggle to mount and dismount the darned thing and though it was only a few houses away, I really didn't want to have to walk my bike home. After a few minutes of casual chatting / shouting (chouting?), I told them I'd drop off my things and be right back. My momentum gone, getting started was actually a more difficult feat than I'd like to admit. I felt like such a dork trying to align the pedals just so and pushing off from the curb. Once home I hurriedly changed into an outfit I liked (that I later learned Erik hated, an A frame sleeveless frock we now affectionately refer to as the "pear dress") and I tucked a half-smoked joint behind my ear. (Funny enough, I'd quite uncharacteristically brought that joint to school in the morning intending to make a friend - to spark up a conversation, you might say. I abandoned my mission by mid-afternoon and found a quiet place to entertain myself. Little did I know I would make a friend that day - just not on campus...)

That evening Sean took me and Erik out to dinner. Our first date, technically. We still laugh when we recall how I unwittingly sat on a brown bag of neglected figs in the backseat of their car. We laugh mostly because this wouldn't be the last time we encountered abandoned fruit in their car... On the other hand, it was quite strange that we ended up in some anonymous greasy spoon that night, as Sean and Jules have introduced me to countless fabulous restaurants and never, other than this one time, have we dined somewhere so ordinary. Somehow, though, it was just right, the three of us crammed into a booth, making small talk over bland mashed potatoes. Deliciously awkward.

The next day I suggested Erik should sleep on my couch instead of their floor. The dogs had chewed up the guest mattress, after all, and I had a creepy landlord whose unwelcome visits were deterred by Erik's presence... And the rest, as they say, is history. I do remember telling Wendy early on that Erik was fun to play with, but not the sort of guy I'd see myself marrying. I've never been so happy to be wrong.

It's hard to believe more than 16 years have passed since that day. I constantly marvel at how fortunate I was to meet him, how glad I am that he was born.

So today, in honor of his birthday, I offer you 37 reasons I love my husband:

1. It's shallow, I know, but I love that he is so tall. And cute, if I do say so myself. Not only is it useful - he can reach things I can't - but he makes me feel small - in the good way.
   
2. His size is also wonderful when it comes time to move the furniture around, something I think we do more than most couples. He has an amazing knack for shuffling our stuff. Never once have we decided to move things back and always we find ourselves infinitely more comfortable.
3. In fact, he is all about being comfortable. I've learned a lot from him - the importance of socks and slippers, the proper way to tuck a blanket. Still, I struggle to relax. Two and a half years into my early early retirement and still my eye twitches... He finds it frustrating, I think, because taking it easy is so easy for him.
   
4. He's also really smart. He ditched a ton of school so he doesn't always think he's smart, but really he is. He married me, didn't he? (Ha ha. Just kidding. That could actually be considered evidence to the contrary, eh?) Sure, he's got some swiss cheese in his basics thanks to a change in his elementary school curriculum (don't ask him to define an adverb, for example) and sometimes he mispronounces words he recognizes from reading but hasn't heard aloud, but he's got a keen eye for urban development, he understands physics, and, though he'd probly not admit it, he's a bit of a history buff.
   
5. He's loyal, so much so that early on, at his Aunt's house one Thanksgiving, I drunkenly compared him to a dog. It sort of came out wrong but everyone knew what I meant.
6. He embraces the canine analogy so much, in fact, that he even promised to "fetch" in our wedding vows, following that up with a "woof." And indeed he does fetch, often. Take out, warm socks, cold water, an extra blanket, things from the car, a toothbrush... I am so super spoiled.
7. He's also my pack mule and my sherpa. This comes in particularly handy at water parks when dealing with unwieldy innertubes.
   
8. He's adventurous and outdoorsy. He likes to explore and he looks so much happier surrounded by nature. One of his all time favorite memories is climbing Half Dome. And, of course, we spent our first summer together camping, our Summer of Love. That may have been when he did his earliest fetching - he rode miles into town on my three speed cruiser to fetch me chocolate cuz I finally convinced him I really needed it. I didn't even give him instructions on what kind to get. I only told him chocolate. I didn't warn him I prefer milk chocolate to dark, or that I can do without any nuts... Much to my delight, he came back with Twix, the perfect fix, which we now call the Chocolate of Love.
   

9. He lives in his own world - you know, the one where fruit is salty, hormones don't exist, and I am a princess. I call it the World According to Erik. He insists that everyone lives in their own world, but I swear, not like his. Other features of the World According to Erik? There are only five states of America - California, New York, Florida, Texas, and Chicago (formerly known as the M state) - and only one country in Africa (Nigeriwanda). Indeed, our worlds are so different that we are somewhat convinced we grew up in parallel universes. For example, he never played Kick the Can, and I never heard these clever playground retorts: "So? Sew buttons on your underwear." and "F@cking A? F@ck an O, it's easier."
   
10. He loves the ocean and he's not afraid to go in it. I consider the ocean his mistress, but really, she had him first, so I am the other woman. And though he has no fear, he isn't stupid. I know that I can trust that while he often pushes his limits, he never does anything purposefully perilous. I also love that he totally respects the fact that I am afraid to go in the ocean. He agrees that sharks would find me especially tasty.
11. Though he loves the ocean, he's not really into the seal rescuing. He always says he'd rather be the one calling them in than the one picking them up. Still, he helps me with the really gnarly rescues. I know I can count on him if I really need him.
    
12. He's a horrible driver, but then he didn't start until he was 30. I guess since I taught him to drive it is my fault he has totaled two of our cars? In any event, everyone walked away from both accidents unscathed, so I guess you could say he's a great driver.
    
13. He's also a great cook. He frequently makes elaborate meals for company (my family, or his). It delights my folks, but sometimes annoys his - as they'd rather have time to socialize with him. I honestly don't think the cooking is a form of escape for him, though. Really, he just likes to see me relaxing and we've always had kitchens that are too small for more than one person to function in them.
    
14. On the other hand, he is kind of aloof. I think that makes his affection all the more precious. This is the same reason I prefer cats to dogs, because they dole out their attention much more selectively. Still, even I could handle a little more conversation. He recently asked what I would have him do, "Talk all the time or something?" Well, yeah, some people do talk all the time, at least to their spouses. It's unthinkable to him.
    
15. He gives great rubs, particularly of the feet. He did, however, roundly reject my suggestion that he should consider going to massage school. Then I proposed that perhaps I should go to massage school, but he knew, since I don't particularly like touching people, that my matriculation would just be to gather information on how to give him pointers. The truth? I really want to buy a massage table (I think that leverage makes all the difference) and I can't justify the expense without truly knowing how to use it. On the other hand, Erik rightly points out that there is no space in our home to put said massage table.
    
16. Massage table or not, he takes great care of me. He tucks me in at night and sometimes even reads me bedtime stories. He's particularly sweet to me when I am drunk - a real enabler, you might say - bringing me a pot to puke in, a toothbrush if I can handle it, peeling me off the floor... And the next morning, he always fetches my hangover breakfast - a half order of french toast and a potato pancake...
    
17. Though he's the sweetest thing to me, at his core he's a little mean. We both have a bit of a mean streak, in fact. It's one of the things we have in common - that we're judgmental. I already often feel unworthy of him, so it's nice to be reminded he's human. And besides, we're never mean to each other...
18. He does like to make fun of his friends. His childhood friends all have disparaging nicknames - like Cow, Toad, and Head - and his current friends never get to live down their legal issues. One friend, who was facing house arrest, was assured that Erik would bring him Chicken in a Biscuit if he actually had to go to jail, insisting the snack food would make great jail house currency. Another friend, who goes to jail on weekends for a domestic dispute involving an altercation with a pot of potatoes, is constantly reminded that he "boiled his wife."
19. Erik doesn't want children, but he's better with them than he thinks. I remember the first time he ever had to hold Zoe. She was an infant and he held her out as far as his arms could reach, as if she might explode. It was hilarious. Fast forward a couple years, and here they are building a fence together. In truth, he's a great uncle. Granted, he lives in my fabulous Anti shadow. For example, the girls used to refer to him as "Uncle Him" as they never thought of him enough to know his name...
    
20. Although they had a rough start, both essentially being my housebound city pets, Erik ultimately came to love Fabe and even unofficially adopted half of him. The specific half varied, depending on which end was spewing whatever needed to be cleaned up... Anyway, I particularly love the story of the time Fabe discovered the lemon meringue pie I'd made for Erik. Apparently Fabe had a thing for meringue and he began devouring it lick by little lick. He'd silently consumed a good portion of it before he got sloppy and started making slurping noises. Erik came across the scene and was not so much appalled as amused. I love that he let Fabe finish his treat.
    
21. Erik also loved Blackers, the Attackers. He told me he regretted not adopting half of him after he died. Still, Blackers never knew he was a bastard child. He loved Erik and would be glad to know he was his pallbearer. Erik was my rock through that whole horrible experience. I couldn't have done it without him.
    
22. He's also been a really good sport about OC - especially considering the vet bills. His assistance was crucial in helping me find him last year, after his abduction and he was around to take him to the vet while I sat for the LSAT last week. I think we've both become more fond of that feline, if for no other reason than out of admiration for his will to survive. (By the way, I'm happy to report he's doing great on his new diet... Sure, it's only been a week, but it's been a good one...)
    
23. Really, though, Erik is not a cat person. Growing up he had a series of manly boy dogs. The only one I got to meet was the wonder dog, Jesse. In his prime, Jesse would climb trees. Jesse would wander his neighborhood unattended - he refused to be chained - and even when he was more than half blind, he'd venture out on to mossy rocks just to smell the ocean. I remember once I lost track of him while walking West Cliff and later panicked that he was gone. I was relieved to find he had just ditched me, of course, and taken himself home. Jesse knew I wasn't a dog person, but he convinced me that he wasn't just any old dog. We bonded once, on a beach with a stick, and the mystery vomit he consumed may have indeed been mine, but still I regret not embracing Jesse more fully. He was a really good dog.
    
24. Erik's got a great family. And he loves them so much. He particularly enjoys meeting his mom for nature walks in Big Sur and he is delighted she's finally agreed to let him trim the trees that so relentlessly clutter up her view. He's also been enjoying the company of his youngest brother, who recently moved into town. Six years apart, they didn't move in the same circles as children and it's nice to see them finding common ground as adults.
    
25. Most of all, though, he loved his Grandpa Nelson and his cousin (and birthday buddy) Kate. It's nothing short of tragic that they have both since moved on. Though I wasn't there to see Erik enjoying so many meals with his Grandpa - always served on TV trays and reportedly washed down with strawberry milk - I was fortunate to share one of his most treasured evenings with Kate. It was at her sister's wedding in Las Vegas that Kate and Erik finally got to hang out like adults. As adults are prone to do, especially in Vegas, they got stinking drunk on Tequila and shared countless stories, confessions, and big belly laughs. In particular, we all found it quite amusing that he accidentally dropped Kate on her head in the casino while trying to hold her upside down. At least it was in a carpeted area. We'd spent the majority of the night on concrete by the pool... I also remember how funny it was, at least for us, when Kate accidentally locked herself out of her hotel room. She'd come out just after we'd dropped her off to tell us not to laugh at her. We hadn't been laughing at her, really, but we sure did then, as she had to wake her roommate for reentry. Kate got the last laugh, however, as she looked fresh as a daisy the next morning while Erik was leaving an extra large tip for the maid who would have to contend with the barf-filled bathroom. Kate's absence makes every birthday season a little bittersweet. If I could give Erik just one gift, it would be another day to spend in the company of his cousin.
    
26. Even though he loves his family, he once told his mom when he grew up he wanted to be a pirate. She tried to discourage this ambition by pointing out that pirates had to go away and live on ships and that they never got to see their families. I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt her feelings, but he recalls she was crushed when he told her that'd be okay.
27. On the other hand, I think he did intend to hurt her the time she came to his aid when he suddenly began crying. She asked why he was so upset and he told her to put her hand in the drawer nearby. He then promptly slammed the drawer shut, thus sharing with his mom in a rather evil sort of way just what had made him cry.
28. Erik also loves my family. He has a secret desire to be my brother Billy's neighbor. It's actually really precious to me, the way the two of them get along, although they've spent precious little time together. Equally precious is how Erik appreciates my baby brother, Kevin. I love that he let Kevin move in with us, sharing our too small home, for the first ten months of our married life. It wasn't always easy, but it's a time I still cherish.
29. He finds simple ways to express his affection. For example, he once wrote sweet nothings all over my wall in permanent marker. Luckily, my grow light bleached it out before I moved so we didn't have to paint. Still, I wish I'd taken a picture to preserve the sentiment. He also makes fantastic bouquets out of wildflowers to show me he was thinking of me while he was out hiking.
30. He has great hair. I've mentioned before my envy of his fabulous afro experiment and his long, girlie eye lashes. Also, unlike me, he had hair as a baby. As if trying to find its most perfect shade, Erik's childhood hair auditioned all the colors - red, blonde, brunette, even black - before settling on his current impressionable sandy brown.
31. Despite my pathetic hair, he honestly seems to think I'm beautiful. Like all the time - fresh out of bed, sick with the flu, crying my eyes out. It's crazy, I know. They do say love is blind...
32. He's incredibly picky. He'd rather do without than settle. This often poses a problem (he has very few possessions) but it also reassures me that he genuinely adores me. After all, I know he'd sooner be alone...
33. He's very well trained and prepared to win. At least that's what he told the producers at the Price is Right that fateful day so many years ago when I became a Contestant Not Appearing on Stage. And believe me, it was true. If he had gotten to play a pricing game, he would have won. He knew where to stop the Range Finder, what to guess in Cliff Hangers, what to write on the check in Check Game, and where to place his Plinko chips. I even think that if he were to play Check Out that he might have tried my controversial (now outdated) strategy of guessing $10 for the first item and 1 penny for the rest... I love that the producers wished him luck. I always thought that luck was offered in case he got on stage, but now that I know they had no intention of picking him, I wonder if they meant he needed luck to go on living with me?
    
34. He bought me a giant diamond for my wedding ring. I didn't think I needed a giant diamond, really, but then I sort of went with it. The gem is way out of our price range but I'm so happy we went for it. Just as Erik's size makes me feel small, my rock makes my fingers look dainty. And it makes awesome rainbows in the afternoon.
    
35. He also gave me this big white teddy bear years before that. I had fantasized that a cute boy would give me just such a teddy bear ever since 6th grade. I remember the smile on his face when he first saw it while we were buying socks of all things... Sometimes I think the bear is the reason we accidentally moved to Ukiah. It's certainly the best thing that came out of the whole inland experience.
    
36. Though Erik thinks I've tried to kill him multiple times, he sort of doesn't mind. He fully blames himself for the incident involving the bike and the lawn mower and I think he finds the rock and the tent story a tad romantic. In fact, if I do ever accidentally kill him, he's said he'd want me to get away with it.
37. And the newest thing I love about him, that I just learned yesterday while watching "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?", for years he believed the Star Spangled Banner started out, "Jose, can you see... " Such a California boy.
    

As you can see, I am one lucky girl. This list is in no way exhaustive (although thanks to procrastination, it has been exhausting). Suffice it to say that I am so grateful to have Erik in my life and I hope that this is just one of many many birthdays we get to spend together.

Happy birthday, boyfriend.