living the dream, the sequel

Okay, so we all remember the story of my beautiful broken-hearted niecelet, whose no-good stupid-o boyfriend dumped her after two long years for no good reason and with very little finesse. There are details I haven't shared (ah, the awkward horrors of adolescence) - like how the break up actually started as "a break", and how he was inappropriately affectionate with his future girlfriend long before he was remotely single. Some among you may need to hear these details cuz otherwise you might begin to think my wonderful niecelet is maybe overdoing it a bit. Suffice it to say, she is so not overreacting. I swear. I know psycho when I see it. I have been there and done that. She is totally in the right.

As it turns out, the confrontation at the assembly was just a slappetizer.

More recently, she has received solid confirmation that her sleazy ex was messing around with her former friend before their break up. In front of all her friends. Who were then, of course, afraid to tell her. So she was wronged and publicly humiliated. And then she was dumped. Before prom. So the other day she pulled her ex aside to ask him just exactly what about her suspecting he was cheating qualified her as "a paranoid control freak" when, in fact, he was, you know, actually cheating. That's a rhetorical question, obviously. I don't know if he had time to answer anyway.

I do know my super strong brute of a softball whiz then socked him a good one right in the gut. After that she kicked him in the shins. (See? Not psycho. Psycho never goes for the shins. Psycho always goes for the nads...)

And then - this is my favorite part - she told him:

1. he smells like cheese,
2. he suffers from dandruff,
3. and, oh yes, she told him he's got man boobs.

Man boobs. I know. I thought, how does one have man boobs and a six pack both? Apparently the man boobs are a recent development - a side effect of ditching the rowing team. Say goodbye to your abs, slimy cheater boy, cuz six packs cannot survive under the shadow of man boobs. It's a scientific fact.